Bairn
by critical-blow
Summary: XIII Order ficcy. One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and several other order members with some pint sized problems... [PreCoM]
1. It was an accident?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children oh horror of horrors, spelling and grammar errors, CUSSING,hints of shounen-ai later on, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** Zooooo my gosh...I have run out of ideas for Nobody at the moment (chapter 6 is like 1/3 done) and this little ficcy popped into my mind. Anywho, I just wanted to put the older men of the XIII Order in an odd situation. Just a random doodad that I'm writing for fun. Thank you Wikipedia. XD

Review if you like, don't if you don't. Enjoy.

- the critical blow

**Bairn**

By: the critical blow

**Chapter 1:** It was an accident?

Vexen was sitting at his desk in the Order's underground base in Twilight Town. He actually liked this place unlike Castle Oblivion. Though his lab here was no where near as large as the ones he had in Hollow Bastion or Deep Dive it was much more relaxing here. Being in Deep Dive reminded him of what he was and Hollow Bastion brought back unpleasant feelings though he wasn't quite sure why. Twilight Town made him feel at ease, probably because it was the city trapped between night and day, light and dark.

The city of Dusk...

Today had been relatively peaceful with most of the thorns in his side off on mission. Roxas and Axel had been sent to scout out Agrabah to better assess the situation there and determin if it was the right time to capture the Princess of Heart there or not. Demyx had been sent to investigate the Underworld and see if there was anything of interest there. Xaldin was off at 'Beast's Castle' as Luxord had called it. Larxene was... Actually h had no idea where she had warped off to after breakfast but he honestly didn't care so long as she left him and his test tubes alone. And Marluxia... He was somewhere around but just as with Larxene so long as he left him be he was happy.

He sighed softly and leaned back in his chair intent to take his long awaited, not to mention well deserved, nap when he felt it. That sudden calm before the start of the storm...

He cringed slightly feaing it might be Axel, Roxas, or Demyx practicing 'bouncing'. He should have never let them read that book. Even if it had gotten them out of his hair for a couple of days when they came back from their 100 acre wood adventure they'd taken it upon themselves to continue trying to bounce and decided to try and teach Vexen as well... And they still hadn't given it up yet. But instead of getting jumped from behind he heard wild cackling, some yelling and cursing, and much to his surprise...

An explosion.

He swallowed a groan and got up. If he didn't put a stop to the source of all the noise the Superior would. And after he did, he would get after Vexen for not putting a stop to it earlier. And then he'd never get to take his nap. Grumbling to himself about how he was going to kill who ever was causing all the racket he phased out of existance to investigate.

----

The day had started out normal enough for Xigbar. He and Luxord had breakfast together in the commons room and played a game of Poker which Xigbar had lost, he swore Luxord was cheating as there was no way he could be so bad at a card game, and fended off the younger immature members of the Order away with threats of bullet wounds and very nasty paper cuts. The threats did no good and they'd had to tolerate Demyx's ramblings as well as Axel and Roxas' little inside jokes.

It was annoying as hell but luckily he was saved when the Superior had warped in, grabbed a muffin, and gave the kiddies something to keep them occupied. He and Luxord had continued playing Poker with Xigbar intent to win a game. Now here it was, 12 games later, and he still hadn't won a single game and owed Luxord 900 munny. Xigbar ran both hands through his grey streaked black hair and let out and angry growl. Luxord simply smiled and shuffled the cards.

"Another game?" He asked with a painfully kind smile that made Xigbar scowl.

"No." He said grumpily, crossing his arms over hhis chest, and pouting. Luxord raised a brow.

"What? Why not?" He asked.

"Caues you cheat!" Xigbar snapped. Luxord blinked innocently and put a hand to his chest.

"Cheat? Me? I would never!" He said. Xigbar opened his mouth to say something but before he could speak Zexion happened to warp into the room.

"I wouldn't put it past you... But Xigbar, did it ever occur to you that you just might suck at cards?" The younger order memeber asked. Xigbar shot him a glare. He honestly didn't like him. Worthless shadow. He couldn't fight, he couldn't do much of anything other than identify things by scent. Oh and screw wih peoples minds. Which Xigbar assumed he was trying to do now. So he didn't respond and tried to ignore him. Maybe he'd go away.

"Good one Zex!" A young idiotic voice laughed in the background. Oh great. The brat was back. Demyx strolled into the commons room grinning, a candy bar in hand, and munched at it in oblivious bliss.

"I thought you were supposed to be in the Underworld." Zexion murmured. Demyx took another bite of the candy bar, chocolate smearing around his lips.

"I was. But I came back cause Hades was out. Said he had to go take his dog to the vet. Oh, the others are back too." Demyx replied as he messily munched away.

"How can you eat that junk? Don't you know it's bad for you and your teeth?" Luxord asked him a look of repulsion on his face. Zexion and Xigbar mirrored it.

"But it's soooo yummy! How can you not like chocolate you guys?" Demyx whined as he took another bite.

"Because of all the things Luxord just said... And it's not 'yummy'. It's disgusting." Xigbar grumbled.

"You're only saying that cause you can't handle it. I forgot old people aren't supposed to eat candy." Demyx said and shrugged.

"Shut your yap! How dare you call me that!" Xigbar jumped to his feet enraged at being called an old man. That was it. He was tired of having to put up with the insolent young pups! He would make them learn to respsect them. He lunged at Demyx in blind rage intent to beat his face in as his instincts instructed him to. He mentally recited the words of a random spell, one that he couldn't remember what it did, but recited it anyway. Demyx cackled just amused to see the elder Order memeber so angry.

"Xigbar, knock it off!" Zexion snapped stepping between him and Demyx. Luxord took a step back not wanting to get involved. Axel and Roxas walked into the room prattling on about what they'd done earlier. Larxene warped into the room followed by Marluxia who was carrying some grocery bags. They regarded the scene from where they stood near the doorway behind the whole group. Xigbar's hand glowed and errie white color.

"Aww shit..."

"You idiots!" Larxene snapped in agitation.

"What the hell is going-" Marluxia never got to finish his question as there was a blinding white flash of light and then an earth rattling explosion. And then there was no more...

----

Vexen sighed as he appeared in the commons room. Everything was a mess... again. He scanned the room hoping to find the source of the problem quickly. Xigbar was lying passed out on the floor, Luxord not that far behind him... and the rest he couldn't see. It was all covered in a dense fog/smoke. He glared at the two, they had finally taken their little Poker games too far. Yelling and grumbling over lost cash was fine or gloating, etc... But blowing up the commons room? Really...

He thought them more mature then that.

He knelt down and poked Xigbar's prone form until finally the man stirred. The scared man blinked his good eye and looked up to see a scowling Vexen. He smiled and laughed nervously.

"Uh... Hey." He said.

"What happened here?" Vexen asked as he began to straighten up the room despite the fog. It looked like he'd have to take that nap a little later. Luxord groaned and stood shakily.

"Demyx and Zexion got on Xigbar's nerves... Ow. My head is killing me..." The gamlber muttered. Vexen nodded understanding imediately. Speaking of the two... where were they? And thats when he felt it. The small hand gripping his cloak shakily. The first thought that came to mind was a heartless and he summoned his shield preparing to strike it but whatever it was saw the menacing weapon, yelped and let go instantly before scuttling away from him. Vexen blinked as the fog lifted and stared at it only to have his jaw drop.

A small child with unkempt light brown hair was currently huddling behind Axel, who seemed to have come in unannounced and unnoticed as usual.

"Ni-san!" The boy cried and hugged Axel's leg. How had a child gotten in here? Wait a minute... He looked sort of familiar.

A wail emited from behind him and Vexen turned around to see as a small boy with silvery blue hair was poked by a girl with blonde hair and an even younger boy with sandy blonde hair watched in amusement. And then there was the boy before him... the one with dirty blonde hair and curious blue eyes that begged Vexen to hold him. Vexen simply watched it all before it finally everything seemed to click into place. And then his eye twitched. He glared at Xigbar.

"It was an accident?" He chuckled nervously.

----

**A/N:** THE END.

Just kidding. Retarded idea and extremely bad way to end the chapter, I know... but tell me what you think. Oh, **_Bairn_** means child, son or daughter, etc. You get the idea. I'll try to get chapter 2 up soon... --;


	2. What do we do now?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children (_oh horror of horrors!_), spelling and grammar errors, hints of shounen-ai, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** Well... I got a couple of reviews. Some people like this. Yay! Chibi Zexion action is something I hope to have a lot of in this fic as well as much chibi chaos...

Review if you like, don't if you don't. Enjoy.

- the critical blow

**Bairn**

By: the critical blow

**Chapter 2:** What do we do now?

This couldn't be happening. There was no possinle way that this situation could actually be happening. There was no way in hell that Xigbar could have possibly turned several of their comrades into children. But the more Vexen looked at the scene around him the more plausible it seemed. There were 5 children where 5 Order memebers had once been and they were all dressed in their outfits. They were a bit baggy on their forms but nothing too bad. If he guess correctly the child clinging to Axel was Marluxia, the boy crying was Zexion, the girl poking Zexion was Larxene, the boy watching Larxene poke Zexion was Roxas and the boy in front of him was... Demyx. Demyx stared up at him with wide eyes blue eyes that made the older man feel uneasy. Vexen clenched and unclenched his fists as the crying was starting to get on his nerves.

Axel glanced at the boy clutching his leg in a death grip and raised a brow in confusion.

"What the hell?" He asked.

The child version of Marluxia continued to cling on him and pointed to Vexen, who had just pulled Zexion and Larxene away from each other in an attempt to make the noise stop. It worked some what as Zexion's wails had faded into hiccups.

"He tried to kill me, Ni-san!" He said shakily. Surprisingly, he wasn't as loud as Vexen had expected him to be. The Marluxia he knew could be heard down the hall when talked normally and when he really got riled he could be heard downstairs. Axel regarded Vexen with an aggitated stare and Vexen sighed.

"I thought he was a heartless." The elder man grumbled. Axel shrugged, honestly not caring, and tried to pry Marluxia from his leg. It didn't work.

"Off." The red head commanded and Marluxia stared at him as if he were crazy. Axel supressed a growl and settled for glaring at him.

"Now." Axel commanded. Marluxia gave him that same '_You's a crazy grownup_' stare and shook his head.

"Nu-uh." Marluxia said. Axel realized that there was no way in hell this kid was going to let go of him of his own free will and there was no way he was going to be tugged off either. He sighed in defeat and Marluxia relaxed a little thinking Axel was just going to let him cling to him. Boy was he ever wrong...

**"Get off of me!"** Axel yelled and began shaking his leg in the air in an attempt to hurl the small boy across the room. Marluxia yelped fearfully but didn't let go. Instead he clung even tighter until he was clinging so hard Axel couldn't feel his blood circulating anymore. This went on for a few moments, the only one tiring being Axel, and finally he stopped and panted heavily. How the hell could such a small child have such a powerful grip! The minute he stopped the death grip loosened a little bit but just enough so Axel could feel his circulation again. Axel rubbed his temple in aggitation.

"A little help here?" He asked.

Luxord went to his aid and picked the boy up from behind, startling him a little and causing Marluxia to latch onto the closest thing to him at the moment... Axel's hair.

"Sombody help!" Marluxia wailed.

"OwowowowowowowowowOW! Let go of my hair!" Axel yowled as Marluxia tugged at his red locks painfully. Xigbar and Vexen watched on in a mix of amusement and pity as Luxord tried to figure out how to get Marluxia to let go of Axel without actually having to let go of the child himself. It was actually Larxene who came up with a solution to the problem who threw a can of green beans at the three from the bag of groceries Marluxia had brought in earlier.

She had suprisingly good aim for a 5 year old as she hit Luxord square in the head casuing him to release his grip on Marluxia and fall to the floor knocked senseless. Marluxia then let go off Axel's hair and clung to his waist when he realized he'd started failing. Vexen stared at Larxene with wide eyes slightly disturbed by her actions but made no attempt to say anything. She stared back at him and smiled toothily before giving him the thumbs up.

"Problem solved!" She said brightly as she came to stand beside him. Xigbar laughed off to the side while Vexen made a mental note to never piss Larxene off when she was armed with a can of vergtables. Staring at Luxord's prone form and Marluxia still clinging to a defeated Axel he couldn't say the problem had really been solved but for now it would do...

"Indeed..." He said.

----

It took the combined efforts of the three concious Order members to round the children up who were now sitting on the long couch in the commons room and starighten up the room.

It took 15 minutes to convince Marluxia that no one was going to kill him and that just because he let go of Axel that he wouldn't vanish into thin air and leave him all alone. With that weight off his chest, litteraly, Axel was able to begin the kiddy round up. Axel had tried to get Roxas to sit down first seeing as Roxas was his best friend.

But after seeing how Axel had been with Marluxia the boy kicked him in the shin and promptly ran away from him screaming something incoherent. Demyx was the best behaved of all of them, all it took Vexen to get him to sit down quietly was a simple pointing gesture. Zexion was a bit more of a handful as he had started chasing Axel around yelling at him to leave Roxas alone and had ended up kicking him. When Axel had rounded on him both Roxas and Zexion were running around the room screaming.

Larxene once again solved the prombem by threatening the two boys with a can of sliced peaches and another poke fest.

"Sit down." Larxene growled. Roxas hid behind Zexion fearfully hoping to use him as a human shield. Zexion glared at her.

"Make me." He spat. Larxene tossed the can from hand to hand and Roxas squeaked.

"Mebe... we shud listen to her Zexon..." He said.

"She won't do it." Zexion said crossing his arms and glaring at the blonde girl almost as if daring her to throw the can. And she did. It flew a mere centimeter from his face and crashed into the wall with a dull thud. The lilac haired boy paled considerably.

"Y-You missed." He stuttered trying to regain his composure.

"Or did I?" Larxene asked.

"Yeah. You didn't hit me or Roxas. Right Roxas?" Zexion asked.

"Wight!" Roxas said sticking his tounge out at Larxene. Larxene grinned and pointed at the wall. The two stared at noticed a splatter... where a spider had once been. Roxas' eyes went wide and he ran to the couch sitting down between Marluxia and Demyx. Zexion took a step back but didn't move more than that.

"Sit down." Larxene said again.

"N-no."

"Sit down... or I'll poke you." She said.

"You wouldn't d-" Zexion was cut off as Larxene let out a war cry pointing her finger at him and charged. Zexion went completly pale and ran to the couch leaping on to it and diving behind Marluxia. Marluxia rolled his eyes and Roxas pat Zexion on the back with his chubby little hand. Demyx merely yawned loudly and leaned back. Larxene smirked satisfied with her work, picked up the can of peaches and walked back over to Vexen.

"All accounted for." She reported before handing him the can and walking back over to sit on the couch herself sitting next to Demyx.

"Um... Right." Vexen said shocked by her once again. Why couldn't she be this useful as an adult? Probably not the right incentive he supposed... He was just glad to have children all in one area and not doing anything... child like. Luxord finally mamanged to revive himself and came to join the other adults. They stood off to a corner out of ear shot of their shrunken comrades.

"My head is killing me... again. What happened?" He asked obviously not remembering how he passed out. Xigbar smirked more than happy to answer him.

"You got taken out by a little girl with a can." Xigbar sniggered. Luxord raised a brow but figured if he asked anymore the joke would be on him. Vexen rolled his eyes but then again... there was no better explanation for it. He rubbed his temples and regarded the man with the eye patch.

"How did this happen? What did you do to the Xigbar?" Vexen asked.

"I have no idea... Demyx and Zexion pissed me off and I just sort of... lost it." He answered truthfully.

"I can see that, but what spell did you use on them?" Vexen asked.

"I dunno." Xigbar said.

"How can you not know!" Vexen asked.

"As I said. They pissed me off and I lost it. You know the way I get when I loose it." Xigbar growled. Then he looked at Axel and raised a brow.

"Wait... Why aren't you a kid? Didn't you get hit too?" He asked.

"Do I look stupid? The second I saw you powering up I teleported _behind_ you. Did you not here my _aww shit_ earlier?" Axel grinned smugly.

"How do we fix them?" Luxord asked. Xigbar shrugged and all eyes fell on Vexen. He scowled. Why was it always his job to fix their problems?

"Don't look at me. I can't undo a spell if I don't even know what it is! Maybe it'll just wear off... If Xigbar can figure out what he did to them then I can find a way to reverse it." He sighed. Axel sighed softly running a hand through his hair.

"What do we do with them in the mean time?" He asked.

"Take care of them." Vexen said. Well that was obvious.

"Yeah, but who takes care of them?" Axel asked again.

"Don't look at me. I'm not taking care of a bunch of kids." Luxord said.

"Me neither. I have to try and... figure out what I did." Xigbar said quickly. Axel shook his head, there was no way he was gonna be stuck babysitting.

"We should all take part in taking care of them." Vexen said sensing a headache coming on.

"You mean like taking shifts?" Luxord asked.

"No... I wouldn't advise that. If they're all together then they can... plot. We should each take one of the children." Vexen suggested. Axel nodded.

"Sounds good. I'll take Roxas." He said.

"I'll take Zexion." Luxord said.

"I'll get Marluxia..." Xigbar sighed not wanting to have to deal with any of the others. Of all the members turned children Marluxia was the only one he could really tolerate. Vexen stared at the remaining child only to realize... there were two. Logical as there were 5 children and 4 adults.

He looked to the others but already they were shaking their heads. He should really stick one of them with Xigbar as this was his fault but that would only result in more problems furhter down the line. Xigbar wasn't really 'parent material'. Well none of them were but of all of them he would probably be the worst.

"Fine. I'll look after the other two..." Vexen sighed softly.

"So... We take them now?" Xigbar asked. Vexen nodded and went to gather his two charges.

It looked like he wasn't going to get that nap for quite a while...

----

A/N: I think Larxene is cool. I actually felt bad when I killed her in CoM. Anyway I don't want Lexeaus to come out till later... as I have a little scenario set up between Demyx, Roxas and Zexion later on. Same with Xaldin. I'm not good with baby talk... I'll try to make it better next chapter.The whole Marluxiagrabbing Axel's hair was based offthe first episode of Inuyasha...I'll try to get ch. 3 finished soon.


	3. Say wha?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children (_oh horror of horrors!_), spelling and grammar errors, hints of shounen-ai, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** I got more reviews and even a couple of favs... and chocolate! Huzzah! -does a little dance with chibi Zexion- Review response at end of chapter.

Review if you like, don't if you don't. Enjoy.

- the critical blow

**Bairn**

By: the critical blow

**Chapter 3:** Say wha...?

"Larxene. Demyx. Come on." He said. Demyx nodded and climbed off the couch and toddled over to him before clutching Vexen's hand in his own. Vexen winced at the contact, he wasn't used to it in the least, and pulled his hand away. Demyx made a little sound and his eyes held a look of sadness for a minute before he looked at the floor. He didn't cry or reach for his hand again. Larxene walked over waiting patiently.

"Come on Marluxia." Xigbar said but the brown haired child didn't budge. Xigbar raised a brow and huffed impatiently. Marluxia gave him the same look he'd given Axel earlier when he'd tried to pry him off his leg. He shook his head.

"Get over here." He ordered.

"Nu-uh. Wanna go with Ni-san." Marluxia said and sat stubornly.

"Well, _Ni-san_ is taking Roxas. So get over here." Xigbar sighed. Roxas let out a squeak when he heard this and started shaking his head rapidly from side to side.

"Dun wanna. Dun wanna. Dun wanna. Dun wanna." He chanted over and over again. Marluxia grinned at that and pat the younger boy on the head.

"Wanna trade?" He asked. Roxas nodded his head up and down.

"Yep yep! Twade!" The small boy said smiling brightly. Axel opened his mouth to protest but before he could Xigbar nodded.

"Alright."

"What!"

"Just so long as they move their sorry little a-"

"Xigbar!" Luxord snapped stopping the man from finishing his sentence.

"What? It's not like they've never heard it before." Xigbar gave him a confused look. Luxord had never had a problem with his cursing before. And besides, ass wasn't really a curse word. Or atleast it wasn't to Xigbar.

"Never mind... Zexion. Come on. Let's go." Luxord sighed. He knew if he continued this conversation the young ones would be hearing much worse from the patch eyed gunslinger. Far worse... Zexion stared at Luxord wih a raised brow, debating whether it would be wise to go with him or not. But casting a glance at the other grown ups in the room he figured he'd be safest with him. The others were a bit too loopy for his tastes.

When Zexion walked over to Luxord Roxas climbed off the sofa, with a little bit of difficulty, and toddled over to Xigbar. Marluxia walked over to Axel and leaned against his leg. If Axel didn't know any better he could have sworn the boy was purring... or at least that's what he would have assumed with the look of bliss on his face. Axel could just feel his eye twitch.

"Ni-san!" Marluxia chirrped pleasntly.

"I thought _I_ was taking Roxas. Not Xigbar." Axel growled. He wasn't going to be stuck with Marluxia so easily.

"Change of plans I guess. As you can see-" Xigbar started.

"Dun wanna!" Roxas interjected as he gripped the tall man's leg.

"-Roxas doesn't want to go with you. Smart boy. And besides... the little brat seems to like ya." Xigbar finished and pointed to Marluxia. Axel looked to Vexen for aid but he found none there.

"Not my problem." The scientist grumbled and led his two children out the door and into the hallway. So Axel looked to Luxord but he was already gone. Xigbar picked Roxas up, making the child squeak, smiled at the red head plesantly and waved.

"Good luck... Ni-san!" Xigbar laughed and vanished in a flash of dark light. Axel groaned and glanced at the the boy at his side.

"Come on..." He sighed and slinked out the door, heading into the hall Vexen had gone into. Marluxia beamed and skipped after him.

----

Vexen was not about to let two children into his labratory as he didn't want to loose any of his experiments or put the children, or himself , in danger. Demyx had always had a knack for finding the most lethal and combustible things in his lab when he was an adult. Honestly, he was better at it than Axel. Now that he was a child he'd probably be even more attracted to them. So he settled on taking them to the library and have them sit in a secluded section with not so many vases and breakable things. That way they could pretend to read books or whatever they wanted to do without doing too much harm.

"Here we are. You two stay in that section over there. You can look at the books but don't touch anything else, okay?" Vexen waited for them to respond before actually letting them inside.

"Kay." Demyx nodded slowly.

"Don't touch anything 'cept for the book. Right!" Larxene said once again giving the elder man the thumbs up sign. Vexen watched them go and smiled to himself.

_'This might go smoother than I thought...'_

----

The second Luxord and Zexion entered his room Zexion went into a corner and sat on a chair. The boy didn't look too pleased with the situation but he voiced no complaints. Luxord wasn't quite sure what to do with him. He knew Zexion couldn't play cards. He'd tried all the time to get him to play a game with him and the lilac haird man had always declined. That was until Demyx gave Zexion one too many margaritas in the Casino Night Zone and they'd finally coaxed him into playing.

Let's just say Zexion was so bad at cards he made Xigbar look good. That was the most munny Luxord had ever made off of anyone in a single night. But maybe he'd be more willing to play now.

"So... what do you want to do?" Luxord asked. Zexion shrugged his little shoulder before trying to blush his bangs, which still covered his eye, out of his face but had no luck.

"I dunno..." He answered as his gaze darted around the room. Odd how the kid never made eye contact with anyone...

"Wanna play a card game?" Luxord asked.

"Card game?" This peaked the boy's attention.

"Yeah. Poker."

"How do you play?" Zexion asked and moved closer to the gambler. Luxord grinned and motioned for him to come closer. The two sat on the bed and Luxord began to explain the rules of the game.

----

"Ooooooo..." Roxas stared around the library with wide eyes. He'd never seen so many books before in his little life. He was tempted to run around this new space but Xigbar was still holding him. Xigbar had thought it best to bring him here, there wasn't really anywhere else he could take him. Vexen's lab was off limits, the commons room had just been fixed, and Xigbar's room wasn't exactly child friendly. And he wasn't exactly ready to take the kid outside as he could run away or be seen by the Superior and then they'd really be in trouble...

Hopefully the Superior would never find out about this little incident as they'd of fixed it by then. He really cursed his instinctive nature. Maybe he should take those anger management classes Zexion kept reccomending he take. Wait, hell no. They shouldn't have provoked him. Damn brats. He felt squirming in his arms and noticed Roxas trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

"What?" Xigbar asked.

"Down." Roxas said.

"Wha? Why do you want to get down?" The man asked.

"Down." Roxas said again.

"Hold up a minute." Xigbar said and started walking further into the library. He was worried if he set the kid down he'd take off running and destroy everything in his path. He may be small but he could wield two keyblades when he was older. That had to count for something.

"No. Down now." Roxas said squirming even more.

"No."

"Down."

"No!"

"Down!"

"No! Hold up!"

"DOWN!"

"NO!"

"Yesh, don't you know your in a library? Keep it down." A voice chuckled from behind. Xigbar rolled his eyes, so it seemed Axel had the same idea. Marluxia trailed behind him staring at the books in awe. Xigbar put the squirming child on the floor and watched as he ran off in a random direction but figured that if the kid got into trouble he'd deal with it later. Marluxia watched as Roxas ran off and walked after him before he paused, turned around and walked back over to Axel.

"I'll be back. Don't leave without me, kay?" He said. Axel rolled his eyes.

"Wouldn't even dream of it." He grumbled. Marluxia failed to pick up on the sarcasm dripping from the man's voice and smiled before hugging his leg and running after Roxas. As soon as the boy was gone, Axel turned on his heel and walked out the door. Xigbar shook his head. So irresponsible. Not his problem though! He heard noise further along in the library and went to investigate it. Row after row, isle after isle he found nothing.

Xigbar didn't know why they needed such a huge library. It was such a waste of space. And then he found the source of the noise. It seemed Marluxia and Roas had found Larxene and Demyx. Demyx was half asleep and sitting in a chair while Larxene buised herself with reading picture book and keeping an eye on the others. Probably to make sure they followed Vexen's orders or something. Roxas was running around in circles giggling while Marluia watched. It looked like they had everything under control and he was sure if anyone one misbehaved Larxene would rip them a new one.

Xigbar decided to find Vexen and see if he'd come up with any ideas. He found him in the lowest portion of the library, it took up three floors, and in the... child care section? It wasn't so much seeing the scientist there is was just that...

Why did they have a child care section? When did they get it? Who the hell would request such a thing! Oh well, he supposed it was conveinent at the time.

"Hey Vexen. Any ideas?" He asked. Vexen shook his head.

"No. None yet. Figured out what spell you used?"

"Nope."

"Damn."

"Yeah."

Vexen opened his mouth to stay something when an ear splitting wail of terror filled the air. The two looked at each other and ran to investigate.

----

**A/N: **Based the library sort of off Hollow Bastion, except everything is white like in Castle Oblivion. And the Casino Night Zone is a stage from one of the Sonic Games. I don't own that either.Kind of didn't know what to do for Zexion and Luxord... Meh. I'm gonna leave it there for now... I've already got half of chapter 4 written. Took me forever to upload cause the sitewouldn't take it...

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! -passes out cookies- You guys make my world go round!

**Review Response (of _doom_!)**

**Libe-chan:** Thanks so much for the two reviews. And the chocolate! -munches on it- Glad you find this funny.

**Claws:** Larxene was one of my favorite characters but a lot of people I knwo don't like her. She deserves love too. And besides girls tend to kick boys butts when their younger (physically and height wise) XD Thanks for reviewing.

**The fangirl whos obsessed with Demyx and the Spellbinder keyblade:** Actually Demyx isn't plotting anything bad... yet anyway. He'll get a teeny bit more into character next chapter though.

**Mystic Firorah:** Indeed they do... Indeed they do... Glad you find this funny!

**heartsoblivion:** Yay! Tis not retarded! Meep... I will! -Hides behind Xigbar-

**TATheSunTwin:** Nooo! Don't die on me! XD Thanks so much, I'm glad you like this. Much chibi chaos for you next chapter!

**xXx-InsaneAsylum-xXx:** Thanks. Your words make me feel fuzzy inside. -gives you a donut-


	4. Hide and Seek sort of

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children (_oh horror of horrors!_), spelling and grammar errors, hints of shounen-ai, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long, I decided to re-write it. I think it came out better than the last one I wrote. I'm trying to sort my ideas for this fic. So many things I could make them do... Oh well.

Saix comes out this chapter.

24 reviews... gasp I'm surprised this fic got those many. Cake and cookies? I'm going to get fat with all thetrats you guys are giving me. Not that I'm complaing or anything! XD

Review if you like, don't if you don't. Enjoy.

- the critical blow

**Bairn**

By: the critical blow

**Chapter 4:** Hide and Seek... sort of

An ear splitting wail of terror filled the air and the two order members looked at each other. Only one thing came to mind...

...The kids were in danger.

"Shit!" Xigbar cussed as he took off toward the stairs.

"Wait up!" Vexen yelled as he ran after him.

Vexen and Xigbar made their way to the upper level of the library quickly, practically taking two steps at a time. Xigbar stared at the small portion of the library where he and the others had left the children and groaned softly. Vexen was currently panting heavily and doubled over. Running wasn't his thing. In fact... most physical activity, other than training with his shield every once in a while, wasn't his thing.

"What's... the... matter?" He managed to weeze out.

"They're not here!"

"What?" Vexen asked, still too out of breath to notice.

"They're not here any more! They bloody ran off!" Xigbar snapped. Vexen looked up to see that the children were no where in sight. They'd lost the children aka their fellow order members.

This was not good.

"Where the hell could they have gone!" Xigbar asked in a paniced tone. He wasn't actually worried about the brats. He was worried what the Superior would do to him if he ever found out about this little incident. Though Vexen was just as paranoid as he was he kept a calm expression as he tried to come up with a rational idea of what had happened. If they heard the scream a few minutes ago then they couldn't have gotten that far.

The place was a complete mess as there were books scattered about as if they'd been thrown. Someting had probably startled them... something Larxene couldn't beat with a book. Maybe it's been one of the nobodies? But they would never attack one of their own unless instructed to. A heartless then? The thought of that made Vexen shudder. Such a horrible way to go. But there were no heartless here and besides the Order members had no hearts to steal.

Maybe th-

"GRANDPA!"

Vexen let out a muffled yelp as he something tackle hugged his leg knocking him over in the process. That something crawled onto his chest whimpering softly as it hugged his neck. Vexen managed to pry Demyx off him long enough to sit up but the second he was the boy latched onto him again.

"Mr. Eyepatch!" Roxas yelled as he ran over to Xigbar and launched himself at his leg. Unlike Demyx he didn't have enough force to knock the man over but he did make him stagger a bit. Xigbar scooped the child up and gave him a good glare.

"What the hell did you just call me?" He asked.

"Mr. Eyepatch." Roxas said smilig brightly. Vexen had managed to pry the teary eyes Demyx off his chest and get on his feet. The boy stood close to his side obviously not wanting to be very far away from him. Xigbar noticed none of this however

"Why?" Xigbar growled. Roxas stared at him as if he was stupid.

"Cause that's your name. Duh!" He said rolling his little eyes. Xigbar could feel his good eye twitching but reminded himself that Roxas was just a child. He didn't know any better. But that didn't stop him from twitching or the urge to strangle the boy. If only he was his older self... then he could beat the tar out of him. He'd get him when he returned t normal. That calmed him enough to keep from hurting him and he sighed.

"My name's Xigbar. Xig-bar. Not Mr. Eyepatch. Xigbar."

"Xigbah..." Roxas tested the name and smiled brightly.

"I like Mr. Eyepatch better."

"Why you little-"

"Where are the others?" Vexen intervened as he took Roxas from Xigbar and sett him on the floor. The question seemed to remind the two children of the reason they'd been so paniced as they both began to speak loudly and rapidly at the same time. Xigbar growled in agitation rubbing his temple before he placed a hand over both boys mouths.

"One at a time you numb skulls!" He snapped obviously not in the mood to deal with this at the moment. The boys nodded and he removed his hands. Demyx sucked in a deep breath of air and began to explain.

"We were just sitting over there and not doing nothing wrong or anything when this real scary hooded guy came into the room and started walking over to us and he took out this real big sword and he wanted to know who we were and what we were doing there and Larxene told him to mind his own buisness and then he growled like a bear and she threw a book at him and he went all crazy and then we ran away and he chased us!" He yelled before he fell over onto the floor.

"Breathe, child. Breathe!" Xigbar sighed as he rolled his eyes. It seemed Demyx was becoming more like his normal hyper self. He helped the boy to his feet and Roxas pat him on the back as he panted heavily. Vexen fought off the urge to chuckle and settled for a smile. Even he had to admit that was pretty cute, even if it was the ever annoying Demyx they were talking about. But the smile dissapeared from his face as what Demyx had just said finally sunk in. He paled considerably and turned to Xigbar with a nervous look.

"A crazy hooded man with a real big sword? That means the person who was chasing them was..."

"...Saix." Xigbar finished.

"Shit!"

----

Larxene slumped to the floor trying to catch her breath. Marluxia sat a foot away from her gasping for breath and clutching his arm. They were currently hiding in an empty room with what appeared to be cleaning supplies and a lot of boxes. They'd been minding thir own buisness in the library when some guy asked them who they were and what they were doing there. Larxene hand calmly told him t mind his own buisness and continued to read her picture book. He'd growled and made Roxas cry so she told him to leave them alone. He old her to make him.

And then she'd thrown the book. He blocked it. She threw another one. He blocked it again. The next book hit it's mark. And then the man went crazy. Not 'I'm gonna spank you now' kind of crazy but 'I'm gonna kill and chop you up into little pieces and eat you' kind of crazy as Marluxia had stated. And so they ran out of the library. They'd been luck to escape from that freak with their all their limbs still attached to their bodies but they were still pretty scraped up. Marluxia had taken the brunt of the damage as he'd taken a hit for Roxas when he shoved the younger boy out of the way of the psychopath's blade.

He wasn't hurt too bad, he'd just gotten a small cut on his upper arm... but as we all know children tend to make small wounds seem bigger than they really were.

"You okay?" Larxene asked in a hushed voice.

"Uh-huh..." Marluxia nodded but grimaced slightly in pain. Larxene cursed herself mentally. She really shouldn't have thrown that book at him and just should have answered his question. But he was a stranger and they weren't supposed to talk to strangers. At least Demyx and Roxas had managed to get away...

"Demyx and Roxas will be back with the grown ups soon." Larxene said. Yeah... soon they'd be back and the grown ups would be able to save them from the crazy man. Any minute now she thought to herself. They were competent. They wouldn't let them down...

After a few minutes Marluxia smiled at her brightly.

"We're doomed." He giggled.

"We sure are." She said smiling.

The door creaked open and the two stiffened fearfully. Larxene grabbed a can of Lysol, whatever that was, and prepared to throw it. A figure entered the closest and...

----

Zexion whistled to himself as he walked down the hallway. He'd managed to beat Luxord at his own game of poker. Bets had been place on all the munny or valubales they had on them. Zexion had managed to win quite a large sum of munny which he was now carrying with him in his pocket. Luxord was so shocked that he had beaten him that the older man fainted. Zexion supposed he should have stayed in the room with his care taker but it was boring in that room and he wanted to see what the others were up to.

Plus he was starting to get hungry.

Zexion was vaugely aware that he had no idea where he was going but he figured he'd find someone sooner or later in this odd place. And hopefully they would have food. He heard something coming from behind a closed door and wondered what it was and pushed it open. It was empty except for the assorted junk inside mostly cleaning products and boxes. He raised a slender brow and took another look around. He could have sworn he'd heard someone giggling in here...

"Hello?" He called into the seemingly empty room. An all too familiar war cry filled his ears and he paled considerably as Larxene lunged at him with a can in hand.

"Not again!" Zexion groaned and ran away from the supply closet. A can of cleaning spray flew past his head barely missing him as he'd managed to trip over his own two feet and had fallen to the floor.

"Larxene stop! It's Zexion!" Marluxia gripped her arm and did his best to stop her from lunging at him.

"Zexion? Zexion!" Larxene cried and latched onto the fallen boy. Zexion wriggled in her hug only to have an extra weight added on him as Marluxia followed the blonde's example.

"Get off! Get off! You're crushing me!" Zexion whined. The two finally let go of him and Marluxia helped him to his feet. He glared at both of them. He glared at Larxene because she could have just given him cooties and at Marluxia because boys hugging boys was just... wrong. Unless they were like your little brother or something. And even that was weird. He dusted himself off.

"Why am I always the one to get attacked? Why not Demyx? Crazy cootie infest girl always targets me..." The boy grumbled.

"Oh shut up." Larxene growled.

"Come on, we have to get back to the safe place." Marluxia said as he picked up the can of Lysol off the floor. Zexion raised a brow.

"What safe place?" He asked. His two friends, rather his one friend and the crazy girl hanging out with him, stared behind him with wide frightened eyes.

"What?" He asked.

A low growl answered him and Zexion turned around to see a very tall man with blue hair and very very large sword slung over his shoulder. But that wasn't what scared him. Oh no... far from it. It was the fact that Larxene was scared.

"...RUN AWAY!" Zexion scream and the trio ran back to the supply closet. Zexion was the last one inside and he slammed the door shut. He shoved boxes in front of the door in attempt to block it from being opened and soon Marluxia and Larxene joined him. The door knob twisted violently as the monster man outside tried to open the door. The three children pushed with all their might against the door fighting off his attempts to open it but it didn't do much good.

"Open the door!" The man snapped.

"Never!" Zexion yelled back.

"He's gonna eat us!" Marluxia cried.

"People don't eat people." Larxene said smartly.

"Canibals do. And does he really seem human to you!" Zexion asked. Larxene shook her head as he eyes widened fearfully.

"Oh god, he's gonna eat us!" Larxene cried.

"Larxene grab some cans!" Zexion snapped.

"But they don't work!" Larxene said. Zexion opened his mouth to say something but a very large sword sliced through the door sending a shower of splinters and wood chips flying everywhere. Larxene scream, Zexion dove to the floor, and Marluxia no longer had to go to the bathroom. He glanced at his friend to see them both passed out. The man towered above them and stepped into the closet. Marluxia tried to shake them awake but it was no use. He couldn't get away...

They were doomed.

"Ni-san!"

----

Axel looked away from his crossword puzzle and glanced around the room.

Had someone just... called him?

He shrugged and returned to puzzle.

----

**A/N:** Saix is a beserker. I kind of imagine he'd go crazy on the kids like Blanca from Street Fighter... or that Chocolate addicted guy from Spongebob. XD He's not gonna kill the kids or anything. He's just gonna... oh you'll see next chapter. I just had to get one of those 'He's gonna eat us' lines in there. I know, I'm weird.

Bad chapter I guess.Hope this wasn't too painful for you all to read. I'll try to have chapter 5 out soon as well as a chapter 6 for Nobody.


	5. I'm on Break

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children (_oh horror of horrors!_), spelling and grammar errors, hints of shounen-ai, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** Here we go. Chapter 5! Vexen and Xigbar think Marluxia and Larxene are dead after they find the mess in the closet... Axel toils with his crossword puzzle, the unlucky trio are stuck in a room with Saix and Xaldin shows up. Thanks for all the sweets, I now have a secret stash to last me through the winter! ... or at least the next five minutes. XD

**Axel:** Not anymore! -cackles-

;; My tears, they flow like twin waterfalls... Oh well. Thanks for all the kind words. I feel wam and fuzzy inside!

**Xigbar:** That's probably just the muffins.

...You're probably right. Meh, so what if they are! Hope you guys enjoy!

- the critical blow

**Bairn**

By: the critical blow

**Chapter 5: **I'm on Break

"Oh...my...God."

Vexen resisted the impulse to fall to his knees when he found the mess in the supply closet. Xigbar and Vexen had led the two children with them on a search and rescue mission of sorts, praying they could get to Larxene and Marluxia before Saix could. They'd been headed toward the commons room when they'd heard Marluxia scream out for Axel and had followed the sound of his voice... only to find this hideous mess.

The door had been hacked to bits suggesting that the children had give Saix some trouble so he'd had to slice his way inside. There were cans scattered everywhere, some still intact while the others were dented or sliced open. The walls were stained with red suggesting a massacre but not without some sort of fight back. Xigbar twitched uncontrolably. How could Saix have done this to a couple of children? Sure he'd seen the man tear into armies, heartless and animal and human alike and come out victorious... but to do this to two children armed with nothing but cans!

"Grandpa?" Demyx asked. He didn't like seeing his granpda so distressed. And honestly, Vexen looked like he wanted to throw up.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Vexen groaned and covered his mouth with his hand.

"Where are Larxene and Maluxa?" Roxas asked as he clutched the front of Xigbar' coat tightly. Xigbar didn't answer him and just continued to stare at the thick red splattered against the walls. And Roxas didn't like it.

"Damn it Saix, I'm going to kill you." Xigbar growled. Roxas looked to Demyx and Demyx stared back at him. What had happened? Why were the adults so freaked out? Had something bad happened? Niether could possibly understand the sight before them.

All they saw was a big mess. Vexen and Xigbar began to walk off and Demyx followed after them.

_'Marluxa, where are you?'_ Roxas wondered silently.

_'I just hope they're okay...'_ Demyx thought.

And sadly none of them seemed to notice the hacked open remains of the red paint cans laying behind the box of used Lysol cans.

----

Marluxia was far from okay.

He was currently sitting bound and gagged in a chair in a small room covered in red paint with Zexion and Larxene on either side of him. The two were still passed out so he'd had to face the horrors of the scary man alone. The past half an hour was a bit of a blur to him, though the thirty minutes seemed like an eternity on fast forward to him, as he'd been dragged kicking and screaming to this place. He'd tried to call for his Ni-san earlier but he figured he was either too far away to hear him or he'd heard him and just hadn't reached him in time to save him.

When Axel didn't come he'd played opossum, falling over and pretending to pass out like the his friends and when the scary man had picked him up and carried him a ways he'd bit his arm in an attempt to make him drop him so he could run and get help but it seemed this man could feel no pain. He'd bit him hard enough to draw blood and he didn't even flinch. He just laughed and cotniued to drag him away. And then he'd brought them here. He'd tied them each to chairs.

"You're a monster." Marluxia growled. The man just stared at him blankly, all the scary craziness drained from his eyes, and cocked his head to the side.

"I know." He said simply.

When Marluxia started crying he gagged him before he left the room. And here he was now. Sitting with a black strip of cloth in his mouth, glaring at the wall, waiting for the strange blue haired man to return.

_'Ni-san... where are you?'_ Marluxia wondered to himself, hoping against hope that his big brother would come and save him from this horrible place. Come and beat the tar out of the scary man and take this stupid gag out of his mouth. He was so busy glaring a hole into the wall and hoping Axel would find them that he didn't even notice Zexion wake up.

"Mmm... Where am I? And why does it smell like pee?" Zexion groaned softly as he slowly began to regain his senses. He remembered beating Luxord at poker and taking all his munny, meeting Larxene and Marluxia in the supply closet, getting chased into the closet by some scary man, the scary man hacking down the door to the closet, Marluxia pissing his pants and then diving to the floor to avoid getting skwered by debris and then... nothing. Wait. If the scary man had broken down the door that meant that...

"OH GOD HE'S GONNA EAT US!" Zexion scream as his pale eyes shot open. Marluxia jumped casuing his chair to scoot over and bump into Larxene's tipping it enough to fall over. Larxene let out a squeak as the chair hit the floor. Let's just say her chair falling over caused the other two chairs to fall over ending with all three children on the floor still tied to their chairs. Larxene had no idea where she was, why she was ties to a chair or why Zexion was religiously chanting 'He's gonna eat us!' over and over and over again. All she knew was that it was gving her a head ache.

"Zexion... shut up!" She snapped. The lilac haired boy payed her no mind and continued to scream.

"Shut up!" If only she wasn't tied to this chair she'd throw something at him. Marluxia stifled a groan and just glared at the ceiling not even noticing that the scary man had returned carrying several cups of something. The man walked over to them and stared down at them as a bit of that crazy gleam had returned to his eyes. Zexion looked like he wanted to spontaniously combust, Larxene went stiff, and Marluxia glared at him.

"I'm back." He said with a sadistic grin.

----

Axel glared at the offending crossword puzzle. He'd figured the whole thing out except for question 7 across.

He ran a hand through his firey red locks and growled in growing frustration.

"Curse you Twilight Morning Star! Curse you!" He yelled.

----

"Grandpa. Where's-"

"Don't worry Dmyx. We'll find them soon." Vexen said smiling reassuringly at he boy.

"But Grandpa-"

"We'll find them in a little bit." Demyx looked at him oddly and opened his mouth to say something else but just sighed and shut his mouth.

"I'm gonna kill him." Xigbar growled. He'd been chanting that phrase the entire time they'd been walking down the hall. Vexen had barely been able to keep the man from storming into Saix's room and murdering him. Once again Xigbar cared nothing for the children. But how could they return them to normal if Saix had ripped them to itty bitty shreds? Hell if he was gonna get in trouble with the superior he might as well take the pointy eared freak down too!

And that's when he noticed something. The little hand that had been holding his was... no longer holding his hand. Xigbar paused and glanced around the hall. Roxas was no where to be seen.

"Where's Roxas!"

"I though you had him!"

"He went that way." Demyx sighed pointing back down the hallway.

"Shit!" Xigbar yelled and ran back the way they'd come. Vexen glared down at Demyx.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Vexen asked.

"I tried to tell you Grandpa but you wouldn't listen." Demyx huffed and rolled his eyes. Vexen sighed but there was no way he was going to go after Xigbar. He had bigger things to worry about.

----

Xaldin sighed as he trudged down the hallway ready to wring Saix's neck in his hands. Things hadn't exactly gone as planned at the Fabled Countryside. He'd prepared himself for many things such as heartless and the beast amongst other things. Retaliation was one of them. And retaliation he'd recieved. But it was not the kind he was expecting. Guards he could handle. Dogs he could handle. Hell, he'd even be able to handle an army talking gekos trying to sell him insurance.

But furniture?

Oh no.

Furniture he could not handle.

And talking furniture no less. It was one thing to have cups fling themselves at you but it was another thing entirely when cups flung themselves at you screaming obsene things about your non-esxistant mother and rambling about Zigs and setting up bombs and other non-sense like that. He shuddered slightly as he remembered the lamp hopping up and down on his chest scream all his bases were belonging to it. And he would never look at apple pie or forks the same way again.

Or feather dusters.

His eyes twitched furiously.

He was going to kill Saix.

He was going to kill him slowly and enjoy every minute of it. He may be recognized as the unofficial second in command but he was still a lower rank than him. He should have gone on that damned mission. _He_ should have been attacked by inanimate objects screaming about bases. And _he_ should have had to bear witness to the horrifying act of a certain candlestick holder and a feather duster trying to create a new breed of household object. Or he should have at least sent Axel.

Axel would have gotten a kick out of that last one. So yes. He was going to kill Saix. But first he was going to get a snack. There was nothing like a cold glass of milk and a couple chocolatechip cookies to make the horrifying memories fade away. He walked into the commons room and past a tantrum throwing Axel, taking care to keep from getting burned, and made his way into the kitchen. It would seem the red head had attempted to do the morning crossword again.

He entered the kitchen and pulled out the milk. He poured himself a glass and set it on the counter before returning the milk to the fridge. And when he went to get the milk... he found it gone. He raised a single brow before he heard the sound of someone gulping liquid and looked toward it to find a young boy standing beside him...

Drinking his milk. Th boy didn't even acknowledeg him, just kept drinking his milk till it was all gone, and only after he had finished the white liquid did he look at Xaldin. Bright blue eyes met deep violet as the boy held the glass up to him and smiled brightly with a milk moustache across his upper lip. Xaldin recognized him imediately.

It was Roxas. Only he was much shorter. Several questions came to mind, most revolving around how the brat had become even younger, but he figured it had something to deal with Xigbar. It was just a hunch though.

"More milk, please!" Roxas said smiling cheekily. Normally Xaldin would have been shocked or he would have just walked away.

Or he would have said something harsh or asked questions or said no.

But today Xaldin had witnessed too many horrifying and strange things in the span of 2 hours so nothing he saw here could shock him.

Unless it involved Xemnas and the kareoke machine.

He took the glass from Roxas and opened the fridge again. He poured Roxas and himself each a glass of milk, grabbed the cookie jar, and sat down on a stool. Roxas took his milk and cookies eagerly and sat on the floor since he really couldn't climb up on the stool.

"Thank yew!" He chirped.

"Whatever." Xaldin said and began to eat his snack. His communicator beeped and he flicked it on.

"Yeah?"

"Xaldin, make your report." The superior's voice came through loud and clear.

"No can do." Xaldin said.

"What? Why not!"

"I'm on break." He said and flicked it off.

"Who was that?" Roxas asked.

"Nobody important."

----

**A/N:** Squueeeee! Crappy ending. XD The real Saix torture will begin next chapter. I mean Saix tormenting the kiddies. Chocolatechip cookies always help me through traumatizing experiences. Anyway, hope you guys liked it. Did anyone get the whole candle stick holder and feather duster thing? If you didn't I was reffering to Lumier from Beauty and the Beast. He was such a playboy. If you still don't get it watch the movie though there was no real appliance sex there. I'm a sad and sick 19 year old.

I'll get ch 6 out asap.

Whatever that means. XD


	6. The B Word

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children (_oh horror of horrors!_), spelling and grammar errors, hints of shounen-ai, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** I IS ALIVE! After many moons and much brain-deadness, school work, and art blocks I have finally gotten around to writing chapter 6 of this fic. Sorry I took so long everyone... Thanks for all the reviews.

So many...

After playing the game and hearing everyone's voices things got scuttled in my head. Another reason I took so long to write this. Hopefully this chapter won't make your eyes bleed that much.

- the critical blow

**Bairn**

**By:** the critical blow

**Chapter 6: **The "B" Word

"So... What happened to you?"

"Wha?" Roxas asked unsure what the man with funky hair was talking about. He watched as the man dipped his cookie into his glass of milk and took a bite. Hm... that looked like it might taste good. The man sighed.

"What happened to make you so... short." Xaldin asked with a partially raised brow. Roxas dunked his cookie into the glass of milk, following his example, and ended up spilling some on the floor.

"What do yew mean?" The boy asked. Xaldin decided to just drop it, it was obvious he couldn't remember. And the more he asked the more he'd get frustrated. He wasn't about to stoop to arguing with a child. It would be as pointless as Saix talking to Axel.

"...Never mind."

"Kay." Roxas said.

He watched as Roxas took a messy bite of the cookie. He'd gotten too much wet with milk so the cookie crumbled in his hands and fell to the floor. Roxas stared at the fallen cookie with sad blue eyes before he simply shrugged and picked up a fallen piece. Xaldin took it from him before he could eat it and Roxas let out a cry of protest. Xaldin knew the floors were usually clean but he didn't trust them enough to allow the 7 second rule. He didn't want to have a food poisoned child on his hands. Roxas watched as Xaldin picked up his precious cookie bits and threw them away.

How could he! Cookies were... cookies were good things! They made the world go round! How could he just throw them away like that!

**Sacrilege!**

"My cookie!" He cried as he stared at the trash cans.

"It was dirty." Xaldin said. Roxas' eyes watered and he opened his mouth to start crying but he soon found a cookie preventing it. Roxas would have glared at Xaldin but the cookie was far too tasty to ignore so he munched away at it.

"Better?" Xaldin asked. Roxas paid him no mind and continued to eat his cookie. Xaldin sighed in a mix of annoyance and reliefe. Crisis averted. Well for now at least. What was he going to do again? Oh yeah. He was going to go an kill Saix for sending him on that mission. A malicious grin spread across his face and downed the rest of his milk in a single gulp. He put his empty glass in the sink and was about to leave when he felt something tug at his cloak. Roxas held his glass up to him and smiled widely.

"Finished." He said simply. Xaldin put the cup in the sink and walked out of the kitchen and into the commons room. Axel was still fuming about the unsolvable crossword puzzle and Xaldin was not in the mood to deal with his whining...

...or to get burnt.

So he went snuck out the back way. He needed his rage for Saix not the red head...

---

Xemnas stormed down the hallway intent to give Xaldin a good long lecture about hanging up on him without reporting his progress. He really hated it when the others did that to him. He could care less that Xaldin was on break. Oh how he could really care less. They were so close to getting Kingdom Hearts, so very close now, and all Xaldin cared about was his damned cookies and milk! Nobodies had no time for cookies and milk! Not when victory was so close and the darkness was so much more appealing!

Ah... yes... darkness...

Xemans was so caught up in his thoughts on the darkness that he failed to notice the Order member he'd been meaning to scold walk by with a very bouncy blonde haired toddler following close behind him.

---

Saix grinned down at the now squirming children toothily. Now the sight of Saix smiling period was horrifying enough, or so Axel had told him, so he assumed this must have been terrifying. Marluxia glared up at him and growled something unintelligible due to the gag he'd placed in his mouth earlier. Larxene was torn between glaring daggers at Zexion and keeping an eye on Saix to make sure he didn't try anything. She seemed to be the protector of the group as she'd been the one to throw books and various other objects at him when he'd cornered them in the library. Not to mention she was the one all the others hid behind.

Zexion seemed to be babbling about someone going to eat them...

How on earth his fellow order members had been turned into children was beyond him. But that didn't really matter at the moment. All three were covered in red paint from the can's he'd hacked up trying to get at them. He'd have to get after Axel for not placing them in the basement like he'd told him to later after he'd thought up the proper punishment. Perhaps sending him to the pride lands? No he'd just think up all sorts of fun things to try there...

Maybe Land of the Dragons? No, they had plenty of cannons and fireworks and snow there... 100 Acre Wood? No... to many flammable things...

A grin came to his face as the perfect world came to mind. Atlantica. A world completely underwater.

No fire.

No fish stir fry.

No explosions.

Just water, terrible singing, and a very scared Axel. All the order members knew that Axel **_hated_** musical. The blue haired nobody had just barely begun to picture the look of horror on Axel's face when another loud outburst interrupted his thoughts.

"OH GOD HE'S GONNA EAT US!" Zexion scream. Saix couldn't contain it anymore so he asked the question.

"Who's going to eat you?" He asked calmly.

"The bear!"

"Bear?"

"The psycho panda bear man!"

"Psycho panda bear man?"

"Yep!"

"...Who's Psycho panda bear man?"

"...You is."

"..." There was a long moment of silence as Saix stared down at the lilac haired boy with a partially raised brow.

The other two children took this as a bad sign seeing as how quiet he'd gotten when they first pissed him off. Marluxia was too scared to breath and Larxene sorely wanted to beat Zexion to a bloody pulp. Surprisingly though Saix wasn't angry in the least. He just smiled at Zexion and pat him on the head.

"Those paint fumes must have really gone to your head." He said. Zexion smiled faintly all previous terror evaporating from his features as the larger man pulled his hand away from his head. Saix figured he'd finally calmed down enough or was so high from the paint fumes hed be easier to control now. He lowered his hand to untie the rope binding the boy to the chair but sadly he did it a bit too slow.

And thus Zexion bit him.

---

Xaldin continued to walk down the hallway in hopes of running into Saix so he could beat the blue haired man to a bloody pulp... But mostly to get away from the cheerful little bundle of... blonde following behind him. Roxas had been following him ever since he'd left the kitchen and it honestly didn't look like he was going to stop anytime soon. Xaldin had told him to go and hang out with his Axel seeing as how good friends they were but for some strange reason Roxas hid under the kitchen sink at the mentions of the red head's name.

"...Stop following me already." Xaldin sighed. He didn't even bother to look back, he could hear Roxas running behind him in an effort to keep up to him. So Xaldin quickened his pace.

He would have shoved the kid on the pyro but Axel was still throwing a fit over his now scorched crossword puzzle. And nobody, not even Roxas, deserved to face Axel during one of his crossword tantrums... It was far too painful, as he'd learned first hand, not to mention they'd be short a member. Organization XII sounded no where near as intimidating or as cool as Organization XIII.

And besides even numbers annoyed Xaldin.

Thus the reason he was #3.

Maybe that was why he and Axel never got along very well?

A yowl of rage erupted from down the hall as Axel seemed to have realized he had just destroyed the very thing he had spent most of the morning trying to solve. Roxas squeaked and latched onto his leg obviosuly frightened Axel might come after them. However Xaldin didn't even seem to notice him as an explosion rocked the building signifying that Axel had left the common's room.

_'Damn drama queen...'_ Xaldin thought to himself bitterly as he rolled his eyes. _'I'm not cleaning that up.'_

He still had no idea how Roxas had been turned into a toddler but he was sure he'd hear all about it soon enough. He'd been tempted to shove the brat on Xemnas but he knew all too well that Xemnas wanted nothing more than to give him another boring lecture on how he was not to dismiss his superior's requests and how darkness was so much better than cookies, which was a total load of bullox, and he was in no mood to listen to it today.

What had he been meaning to do earlier...?

Oh right...Kill Saix for sending him to that horrible place. Kill him slowly and painfully... He grinned at the thought his previous rants and annoyances forgotten. Summoning his spears he stalked down the hall toward Saix's room with the full intent to skewer him alive.

"Oooo..." Roxas said as he saw the spears appear around the man who had given him cookies. It was then that he noticed the man had picked up his pace. And honestly... Roxas didn't want to be left alone. Not with fire man and the monster man on the loose. And seeing as Mr. Eyepatch was no where in sight his best bet at safety was this guy.

Not to mention he wanted to see if he could wheedle some more cookies out of him.

"Wait fo me!" Roxas yelled and chased after him.

---

"Roxas! Where the hell did you go you little twerp!" Xigbar yelled as he ran down the hall. Saix could wait for now, he'd kill him later, but now he had to find Roxas before someone else did.

That someone being the Superior.

He'd practically torn this place apart with the exception of the commons room and the other order members rooms. He doubted the kid had managed to get down stairs... Maybe he'd gone back to the library? No... He'd just come from there. Dammit all! Where was he!

"Any luck?" Vexen asked with a smug smile on his face. Demyx was sitting on the floor beside him intent on staring a hole into the floor. He seemed to be entertained but with what Xigbar had no idea. And he had a feeling he didn't want to know. This was the 5th time he'd passed them in the last 10 minutes. Suppressing a growl as well as a stream of curse words, Xigbar settled for a glare and shook his fist at the scientist before running off toward the commons room.

"...I'll take that as a no."

---

"You know... You should have waited for him to actually untie you before you bit him." Marluxia sighed. His gag had been removed due to the fact that it was now being used to restrain Zexion, which Marluxia supposed was blessing in disguise. But he had to give Zexion some props for trying. The boy had a powerful set of teeth on him. Larxene however was not pleased with him in the least and felt Zexion was a complete and total, if not a somewhat brave, idiot.

And brave in the stupid kind of way.

Larxene glared at Zexion with a look of pure venom. Zexion lowered his head in shame of his own stupidity. At the time it had seemed like a good idea but now it seemed he'd just landed himself and his friends in ever worse trouble than they'd been in before. The scary man had decided not to kill them just and have a little fun with them before he chopped them up into itty bitty pieces. He had left the room again to prepare the diabolical torment he'd thought up for them and Zexion could only imagine what it was...

Those thoughts included penguins, sporks, and prunes but mostly clowns... Zexion hated clowns.

The door opened causing Larxene to squeak, Marluxia to growl and Zexion to jump. Luckily though their chairs had been moved farther apart so they couldn;t knowck eachother over like they had earlier. The scary man grinned at them mockingly and Marluxia glared at him warily. The man passed him and went straight for Zexion's chair, dragging it toward the door he'd just come from. The other two looked on helplessly while they silently thanked God he hadn't picked them first.

"Mmm mmphm mph?" Zexion asked through the gag.

"What's going on? Two words for you... Bath. Time." The man said. Zexion's eyes widened in horror.

---

And somewhere down stairs Lexaeus woke with a start, swearing he could have heard Zexion scream in a very high pitched voice.

----

**A/N:** Panda... don't ask.

Xemans likes darkness.

Lexaeus will come out again later on. I just felt like adding that. Sacrilege is a fun word to scream at random people... I just wanted to have Zexion bite someone in this story... Since he's got no weapon he's gotta have some natural defense mechanism right? It was either primal instinct or squid ink. Bath time equalsdeath to most small children.

I ramble.

zomg... crap chapter. I make chapter 7 better... I promise. ;-; -crawls into dark corner to die-


	7. Titleless Yep! It's that bad

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the XIII order... or most of the things that will be mentioned in this fic. -cries- I make no money off this...

**Summary: **Poor Vexen... All he wanted was a nap! One of Xigbar's time spells goes horribly wrong leaving him and the other order members with some pint sized problems... Pre-CoM

**Warnings:** OOCness, children (_oh horror of horrors!_), spelling and grammar errors, hints of shounen-ai, some **Spoilers** for XII Order members...

**A/N:** My oh my. Libechan's reviews always make me smile. Possibly because of the comma inducing amounts of sweets she showers me with. Which is good, the dusks keeps stealing them from me. And Vexen even took my Special K Bar. T-T

100+ reviews on this. Wow. I sowwy. I did it again. Took a long while to get a chapter up. How do you people put up with me? Lexaeus shows up in this chapter, Zexion tries to open a door, and Marluxia and Larxene are still tied up in chairs...

- the critical blow

----

**Bairn**

By: the critical blow

**Chapter 7: **Title-less. Yep! It's that bad.

Zexion scream loudly at the very mentions of the two words Saix had just uttered. And even though the sounds of his screams were muffled by the gag in his mouth they were still... very loud. Even loud enough to startle Saix. The man recovered from his shock quickly though and sealed the bathroom door all the way before locking it. Zexion watched him with paranoid if not crazed eyes and began to rock his chair in attempt to get free.

There was no way he going to take a bath. Saix knelt before him so they were about eye level.

"Don't hold it against me. This is for your own good. You're a total mess. You'd have to take one sooner or later..." The elder sighed and began to untie him.

"!" Zexion wriggled free of the ropes and managed to evade Saix's grasp and ran to the door, twisting the knob in an attempt to open it. When it wouldn't budge he he decided to resort to another means of opening the door...

"Um... the pasword is... um... EMU! Open sesame! **ALAKAZAM!**" He scream ay the top of his lungs. He waited a second before he began twisting the knob again frantically. He'd said the password so it'd have to open now!

Right?

Sadly it wouldn't as Saix had locked it. Now if Zexion had paused to really think about the situation he would have realized that and could have just unlocked it. But when one is in a paranoid state of mind the obvious solutions never come until its already too late. He noticed theknob to unlock the door!

He reached for it in a desperate last effort to free himself. The knob twisted and there was a click as the door unlocked. Zexion grinnedand turned the door knob... He'd cracked the code! FREEDOM!

"Got ya."

Andjudging by the hands at his waist it was too late.

"Waaaah!"

----

Marluxia and Larxene exchanged nervous looks from outside the bathroom. What could the scary man possibly be doing in there to Zexion that would make him scream like that!

"What do you think he's doing to him?" Marluxia asked Larxene. Larxene stared back at him with a frightened smile.

"I'm not so sure I wanna know." She said. Marluxia thought about it for a second before another wail of terror erupted from beyond the bathroom door and he shuddered.

"Me neither." He said quickly.

----

"Yipe!" Roxas squeaked and latched himself onto Xaldin's leg once again. Xaldin shuddered softly as a chill ran down his spine. Moments ago he and Roxas heard a scream that could shatter glass come from one of the floors above. It was far too high a pitch to be Demyx's voice though Xaldin didn't doubt the idiotic teen could push his voice even higher. He decided going upstairs wasn't in his best interest at the moment.

So he turned to head down a different hallway when he realized something had latched itself onto his leg...

Something relatively heavy.

He glared down at his leg to find Roxas clinging to him for dear life. He shook his leg gently in a attempt to shake the boy off him but still he clung to him.

"Off me." Xaldin said.

"Nooo... I'm scawed..." Roxas whined and clung even tighter. Xigbar was about to try and pry him off with a spear but the look on Roxas' little face made him stop. The boy sniffled up at him and gave him the infamous puppy dog eyes, a thing #13 rarely used in his older state. Demyx used that trick all the time so it was easy to become immune to his version but Roxas'... It was unbearable.

Xaldin had a feeling he was going to regret this later on.

"...You're cutting off my circulation..." Xaldin sighed.

"But-"

"You can ride on my shoulders." Xaldin said cutting him off. No room for whining as he might change his mind. Anything to make him stop staring at him that way.

"Yay!" Roxas said and instantly let go of his leg.

Xaldin was half tempted to just run away and just leave the brat alone in the hallway to fend for himself. But the thought left his mind as he remember how damn fast Roxas could run. The boy outstretched his arms waiting to be picked up and Xaldin did so before letting him sit on his shoulders. Roxas clung to him slightly for a moment as he was a bit unsteady but that was quickly overcome as he noticed something interesting... Xaldin's braids. The boy gripped two of his braids and shook them like a horse's reigns.

"Giddy up!" Roxas said.

Xaldin felt his eye twitch. He was just a kid he reminded himself.

No stabbity small children. That was bad. Maybe when he was back to normal. Hell, that sound like fun. Stabbity teens was okay in his book.

Stabbity teen with a keyblade... even better.

"Better enjoy this while you can..." Xaldin grumbled.

And Roxas' only response to that was a giggle.

----

Luxord's eyes shot open when he heard a scream. A scream that reminded him all too much of a certain cloaked schemer. Well... a certain cloaked schemer if he'd sucked on some helium. The cloaked schemer he was supposed to be watching. He glanced around the room to find Zexion was indeed gone as was all his munny. He ran out the door only to stop and stare as he watched with wide eyes as Xaldin jog past his room toward the library.

As unshocking as that may sound... he had Roxas riding on his shoulders. The very fact that Roxas wasn't dead was what shocked Luxord. It was a known fact Xaldin get along with the others. He'd often made death threats against them.

"Um... Xaldin?" The gambler stuttered.

"What?" The spear wielding nobody didn't ever turn around to look at him. But he did pause on his course though he seemed to continue jogging in place. Roxas giggled and toyed with his braids.

"What are you doing?" Luxord asked.

"Looking for Saix." Xaldin replied casually.

"Why?"

"So I can kill him. Slowly." A malicious grin spread across Xaldin's face as he said that causing Luxord to take a step back into his room. He was tempted to end the conversation there and allow Xaldin to go about finding and killing Saix when he remembered.

"Oh. You haven't happened to have seen Zexion anywhere have you?" The gambler asked.

"No." Xaldin said.

"Oh. Okay... Um, Xaldin?" Luxord had just one more question for him.

"What?" The braided man asked obviously getting annoyed by Luxord's constant questions.

"Why is Roxas sitting on your shoulders?"

"...Don't ask." Xaldin said. And the look on his face clearly told the gambler not to, not unless he wanted to face a very painful demise by spears. And Luxord knew far too well that Xaldin would do it too. So he just smiled sheepishly, doing his best to ignore Roxas playing with Xaldin's hair, and nodded.

"Okey dokey." He said.

----

Zexion went rigid as his cloak was removed and he was lifted toward the tub. He was going to get a bath whether he liked it or not so he might as well just go along with it...

But by God, he was taking this blue haired man with him.

Sucking in a deep breath he released a battle cry that would put Xena to shame and bit down into Saix's arm. Saix and Zexion both yelped, Zexion as he found himself falling toward the tub full of warm soapy water and Saix because of the pain in his arm. The blue haired man took a step back and stepped into a slick little puddle of water, slipped and fell... right into the tub. Zexion clawed at the man leaped out of the tub.

"Gah!"

He hadn't made it out unscathed, he'd still managed to get a little wet but it was nothing fatal. He ran to the door, ignoring his missing clothes, and unlocked the door. He turned to glare at Saix, his dark eyes narrowing slightly.

"There can only be one..." He said and promptly stepped outside. He walked into the room he and his comrades had been trapped in and shut the bathroom door, panting heavily as the adrenaline was still pumping through him in an overdrive manner.

"You're alive!" Larxene and Marluxia yelled. Larxene sounded more shocked than anything but Marluxia was just happy to see the awkward boy wasn't dead. And the Larxene noticed that Zexion... wasn't wearing any clothes.

"Gah! My eyes! **IT BURNS!**" She wailed and shut her eyes. Zexion's eyes widened as her screams were just the thing to push his already frenzied mind over the edge and into pure panic. He darted out of the room and down the hallway babbling nonsense. Larxene opened her eyes and was glad to see that he was gone before she realized...

"Hey! Wait! Come back and untie us!" She cried. Marluxia sighed softly.

_'Why me?'_

----

Luxord sighed before he remembered he had to find Zexion and ran in the opposite direction figuring the kid couldn't have gotten too far away from here. He decided the commons room would be the best place to start looking.

When he reached said room, he noticed Vexen and Demyx standing in the doorway. Vexen looked mildly amused while Demyx just looked scared out of his mind. Luxord raised a brow and peeked into the room to see a very unconscious Axel lying on the floor and a very sheepish looking Xigbar backed against the wall with a tomahawk at his throat. Lexeaus didn't look very pleased in the least.

"What do you mean Zexion's gone missing?" The larger man growled. Xigbar opened his mouth to speak but closed it seconds later, actually considering whether the words about to leave his mouth were the best to say for once, before opening it again.

"I... Ur... SAIX DID IT!" Xigbar screamed and warped out of the room. Lexaeus glared at the spot Xigbar had been occupying moments earlier and sighed. He turned around to see Luxord, Vexen, and the mini Demyx and raised a brow.

"Going to see Saix?" Vexen asked. Lexaeus nodded.

"You might want to hurry then. Xaldin's on his way to kill him now." Luxord said almost sheepishly.

"I think Xigbar might have already taken care of that... No wait. Couldn't have. He hasn't found Roxas yet." Vexen mused.

"Oh! I saw Roxas with Xaldin just a little while ago." Luxord said.

"Was he was still alive?" Vexen asked. Luxord nodded and Vexen raised a brow. That was peculiar... he was sure #3 would have killed the boy or run away from him screaming. Xaldin wasn't very good with children. He'd have to run some tests to make sure that #3 wasn't ill or anything. Demyx was too busy poking the knocked out Axel to be paying attention to the conversation at hand.

"Yeah. And Roxas was riding on his shoulders too."

_Poke._

"You don't say."

_Poke._

"Yep."

_Poke._

"Ow... My head's killing me. What the hell is going on? Where am I?"

_Poke._

"Pyro man's awake now."

_Poke._

"Knock it off!"

"Waah! Pyro man's scary!"

Lexaeus's right eye twitched. Zexion needed him. Why was he still here again? Everyone paused in their irrelevent conversation just long enough to watch #5 dissapear in a black void.

"Yesh, doesn't anyone say good-bye anymore? What's his problem?" Axel asked.

"Oh, he's going to see Saix." Vexen said.

"Why Saix?" Axel asked.

"Becasue he killed several of the kids." Vexen said. Luxord and Axel stared at him with wide eyes.

"ROXAS!"

"ZEXION!"

And with that there were only two.

"I wonder if I should have told Axel that Roxas was alright..." Vexen murmured, "Nah!"

It seemed Saix was going to be recieveing several angry visitors in the next few minutes. He would have felt sorry for the berserker but... he had no emotion of sympathy. And with that disputed he got himself and Dexmy got a bagal.

----

**A/N:** Cause bagals are good (or so I've heard) and Vexen just doesn't give a damn. I've lost my sense of humor... ;3; Crap chapter again. Sowwy. I'll try to get the next chapter out before the end of time... oh yeah. And make it funny too. XD


End file.
